when I die

Lunchbreak. Everybody were through eating their lunch and were busy talking about their dream weddings when I enter the room. As I took a seat, five pairs of eyes were staring at me and one of them suddenly asked me, “ikaw, anong dream wedding mo?” I started chewing on a piece of pork steak and I just smiled at them and answered, “wala akong dream wedding, dream funeral meron ako.” Everyone in the room was shocked after hearing my answer. One of them said that I am so morbid. Another asked if I’m ok. A girl commented that it’s not normal for girls our age to think about death, funerals and stuffs like that. Everybody in the room find me weird.

I let them continue on their comments, reactions, and questions, while I continue munching on my food. I hurriedly finished my lunch and immediately left the place with five persons wearing puzzled look on their faces.

Hahaha! I was laughing my heart out while I brush my teeth. Why? ‘Coz I don’t really have that dream funeral thing on my mind. I just want them to stop bugging me with those kind of questions because it’s not very ME, and I don’t want to strain my mind thinking about those kind of stuffs.

Nakakatawa lang kasi sa dami ng pwede kong isagot, yun pa talaga yung naisip kong sabihin. Maybe it’s one of the effects of working for a memorial park for almost three years.

I had once witnessed the funeral rites of one of our clients. There were like four dead people in just one interment schedule since they came from just one family. Their death was so tragic because they were victims of the Davao Seaport bombing. I can clearly see and feel the family’s grievances as the victims were laid to rest.

On that moment, I suddenly imagined my own burial rites. I said to myself that I don’t want a tragic death, because I don’t want people to cry during my funeral. I want them to be happy for me that I am finally laid to rest.

I want my interment day to be filled with music. My playlist would only have three songs. These are “Crossroads” by Bone-thugs-n-harmony, With a Smile by E’heads, and Paglisan by Color it Red.

Crossroads: because “I’m gonna miss everybody”
With a smile: because I want people to smile on my funeral. “now it’s time to kiss away those tears goodbye…
Paglisan: because wala lang. I just want to add drama in a somewhat melodramatic ambience. And the lyrics really suits the occasion. “at sa ‘yong paglisan ang tanging pabaon ko, ay pag-ibig…”

Instead of throwing flowers while my coffin is being pulled down, I want people to throw pieces of papers with their personalized note. I want them to write something that reminds them of me. It could be anything from funny moments, embarrassing ones, dramatic events, happenings at school, at work, etc. I want them to write on that piece of paper if they were once angry with me, if I hurt them or caused them pain, if I made them happy when I’m still alive, if they had loved me and how much they had loved me. They could also write a letter, compose a song, make a poem, or offer their prayers. I want everybody to tell me everything that they hadn’t told me when I was still alive through that piece of paper, because when I die, I want to bring all the memories that happened in my life.

These notes and songs would be the one to keep me company, and help lessen the boredom as I took the long journey to my next destination.


Note: I’m still looking for a nice epitaph to engrave on my tombstone.